So I'm officially on uni holidays. I was really stressing about the exam, I'm not sure why, but I was. Anyway, I think it went alright. I wasn't floored by any of the short answer questions, and I think I answered them well. I got 84% in my second abnormal essay, which is better than the first, and still a decent enough mark. I think I was too stressed and tired to be happy about it, the mark came out the night before the exam. I got my first counselling essay mailed back to me before the marks came out on the site, so I'm waiting for the second one to be mailed instead of obsessively checking the page for grades. I have no idea when the semester grades are released, I don't really want to know to be honest. I'll only stress about it until that day comes.
Today is hate me on the internet day. It's kind of funny. I got two random account comments from someone on one of my youtube videos, telling me I'm so ugly, and I look like egor. Cool. Then, one of the popular book tumblrs I follow does this confession thing, where you can just say anything about a book or a character or whatever, and she'll post it and add an opinion if she has one. Motivated by all the people talking about how they thought overrated books weren't that great, I decided to message and say I hated The Alchemist, because I thought it was so simply written and not at all inspirational. Like, yea, that's my opinion. And so then someone on anon messaged about how The Alchemist was amazing and I must be an orc to not see the complicated inspirational messages woven in to parable style writing. Funnily enough, the person who runs the tumblr agrees with me, and so responded with how insulting people for liking or not liking something is rude, and how we all have opinions, and sometimes those opinions differ. Oh. Another anon. Apparently I was hating and raging. People on the internet amuse me greatly sometimes.
Last week on tumblr I wrote a post talking about how I wanted people to like me. Someone fan mailed me (so I couldn't even properly reply publicly) about how I just had to be patient and someone would like me at some point and just be yourself and blah blah blah. Really, I was just whinging about how no one on tumblr ever sends me messages. But then I got that, and like, seriously? Candace always complains about people giving her unsolicited advice on her posts and how it infuriates her, and I never understood just how annoying it could be until that message. So I screen shotted the post and wrote this post about how I am always myself and people just don't like that. Like, yea, a lot of people don't like me, people generally don't. And like, it's not even something that bothers me terribly much anymore, especially after having Nell validate my feelings on invisibility at work because I'm different than them and more educated and going places and have different opinions and values. I wrote about how I'm just too difficult to deal with sometimes, sometimes too depressed, too outspoken, too intelligent, too annoying. Milly messaged and told me to stop it, that I wasn't any of those things, and that people do like me, but they don't. Some do, and I love Milly and Alex for being people that I can be close to. But I am me, and telling me to be me so people will like me seems stupid, because I know I'm difficult and outspoken and too smart, and I know that someone will like me eventually (not even crossing in to the discussion of how I feel about no romantic or sexual prospects), but that wasn't what I was talking about.
I was then talking about getting walked all over at work. Being usually instantly disliked. Being the person that annoys people with their opinions. Being the person that knows everything. Being the person that is overlooked, unincluded, invisible. I am that person that no one ever thinks of. I don't get invited to things. I get sad about it sometimes. Most of the time I'm mostly ok with who I am, and the people in this town don't like that, and that's ok, because I don't like them either.
Anyway, enough about my invisibility.
I have Sunday off this week. I worked Wednesday. It'll be nice to have a weekend day off. Milly and I may be drinking tomorrow night, maybe. I don't know. Work has been ok, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I still get shitty about Mel, and I still boss her around on Mondays just because I can. Nothing has changed, nothing will change.
I go to Fall Out Boy next weekend and I'm seriously excited. Excited about seeing Alex. I'm also planning a meet up with Janika, depending on where she is. I'm really excited about that. Alex and I are getting tattoos. I'm getting the deathly hallows symbol on my ankle, or a semi colon on my boob, or both. I am not excited about having to go to David's to get my suitcase because he is so useless and hasn't even bothered to tell me that he "hasn't had time" to take it to Alex's. At least, all going according to plan, when I do go and pick it up, he shouldn't be there, because he's supposed to be living in Campbelltown by now? He said "next week" about two weeks ago, so yea. Whatever. I'll facebook Mel and try to work something out.
I'm planning on doing some serious work on this house over the uni break. Surprisingly, Mum and Gary came down three times over the last weekend to do stuff. I nearly died. Though I have no illusions, it won't last. She won't get this place cleaned up, I will. I did a bit in the pantry today, it was a mess in there. I have no idea where to start. The plan is just to box things up and take it to Mum's. And keep whatever I want, as a payment type thing.
But, after nanowrimo. Thirteen days. That's a little scary. I should get organised, start trying to flesh out a plot from my idea. Cleaning up will help though, it'll be research. I haven't actually told anybody what my novel is going to be about, I don't know if anybody cares. Now that Jes has stopped talking to me, I don't really have a writing buddy anymore. So I'll get all excited on my own.
I was pretty functional today. I've been a bit all over the place lately, with my exam, and I worked six days straight, and I was really tired. But I'm back now, so that's good.
Today is hate me on the internet day. It's kind of funny. I got two random account comments from someone on one of my youtube videos, telling me I'm so ugly, and I look like egor. Cool. Then, one of the popular book tumblrs I follow does this confession thing, where you can just say anything about a book or a character or whatever, and she'll post it and add an opinion if she has one. Motivated by all the people talking about how they thought overrated books weren't that great, I decided to message and say I hated The Alchemist, because I thought it was so simply written and not at all inspirational. Like, yea, that's my opinion. And so then someone on anon messaged about how The Alchemist was amazing and I must be an orc to not see the complicated inspirational messages woven in to parable style writing. Funnily enough, the person who runs the tumblr agrees with me, and so responded with how insulting people for liking or not liking something is rude, and how we all have opinions, and sometimes those opinions differ. Oh. Another anon. Apparently I was hating and raging. People on the internet amuse me greatly sometimes.
Last week on tumblr I wrote a post talking about how I wanted people to like me. Someone fan mailed me (so I couldn't even properly reply publicly) about how I just had to be patient and someone would like me at some point and just be yourself and blah blah blah. Really, I was just whinging about how no one on tumblr ever sends me messages. But then I got that, and like, seriously? Candace always complains about people giving her unsolicited advice on her posts and how it infuriates her, and I never understood just how annoying it could be until that message. So I screen shotted the post and wrote this post about how I am always myself and people just don't like that. Like, yea, a lot of people don't like me, people generally don't. And like, it's not even something that bothers me terribly much anymore, especially after having Nell validate my feelings on invisibility at work because I'm different than them and more educated and going places and have different opinions and values. I wrote about how I'm just too difficult to deal with sometimes, sometimes too depressed, too outspoken, too intelligent, too annoying. Milly messaged and told me to stop it, that I wasn't any of those things, and that people do like me, but they don't. Some do, and I love Milly and Alex for being people that I can be close to. But I am me, and telling me to be me so people will like me seems stupid, because I know I'm difficult and outspoken and too smart, and I know that someone will like me eventually (not even crossing in to the discussion of how I feel about no romantic or sexual prospects), but that wasn't what I was talking about.
I was then talking about getting walked all over at work. Being usually instantly disliked. Being the person that annoys people with their opinions. Being the person that knows everything. Being the person that is overlooked, unincluded, invisible. I am that person that no one ever thinks of. I don't get invited to things. I get sad about it sometimes. Most of the time I'm mostly ok with who I am, and the people in this town don't like that, and that's ok, because I don't like them either.
Anyway, enough about my invisibility.
I have Sunday off this week. I worked Wednesday. It'll be nice to have a weekend day off. Milly and I may be drinking tomorrow night, maybe. I don't know. Work has been ok, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I still get shitty about Mel, and I still boss her around on Mondays just because I can. Nothing has changed, nothing will change.
I go to Fall Out Boy next weekend and I'm seriously excited. Excited about seeing Alex. I'm also planning a meet up with Janika, depending on where she is. I'm really excited about that. Alex and I are getting tattoos. I'm getting the deathly hallows symbol on my ankle, or a semi colon on my boob, or both. I am not excited about having to go to David's to get my suitcase because he is so useless and hasn't even bothered to tell me that he "hasn't had time" to take it to Alex's. At least, all going according to plan, when I do go and pick it up, he shouldn't be there, because he's supposed to be living in Campbelltown by now? He said "next week" about two weeks ago, so yea. Whatever. I'll facebook Mel and try to work something out.
I'm planning on doing some serious work on this house over the uni break. Surprisingly, Mum and Gary came down three times over the last weekend to do stuff. I nearly died. Though I have no illusions, it won't last. She won't get this place cleaned up, I will. I did a bit in the pantry today, it was a mess in there. I have no idea where to start. The plan is just to box things up and take it to Mum's. And keep whatever I want, as a payment type thing.
But, after nanowrimo. Thirteen days. That's a little scary. I should get organised, start trying to flesh out a plot from my idea. Cleaning up will help though, it'll be research. I haven't actually told anybody what my novel is going to be about, I don't know if anybody cares. Now that Jes has stopped talking to me, I don't really have a writing buddy anymore. So I'll get all excited on my own.
I was pretty functional today. I've been a bit all over the place lately, with my exam, and I worked six days straight, and I was really tired. But I'm back now, so that's good.
19:45
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