I'm tired and grumpy and I have a headache and it's cold again and so I'm just going to complain a bit.
So I went over to Optus today to ask about my phone. The other day the guy told me my excess would likely be zero because I've been paying insurance on a plan for so long. I thought, I'll just back up on to my old iphone and use that while I send it away, and I can still have all of my apps and photos and everything and I won't even notice. But then it wouldn't back up and it kept coming up with error messages. First it said there wasn't enough space on the old phone, which is ridiculous, because they're the same size phones. I figured the back up would just restore over the old data, or just add the new stuff on. But apparently not. Also, I think there's a problem with the old cord, because I remember having troubles connecting it to my laptop before.
So today I go over, and the girl tells me that what they've usually been doing is just giving people new phones instead of repairing them. And also, why haven't I called insurance yet to make a claim? Because the guy I spoke to last week just told me to bring it in once I'd backed it up and they'd do it. It took me forever to get the old sim out of my old phone, cause I thought, I'd put my current sim in and just not back it up and go without a few apps and the newer photos until I get my current phone back or a new one. And then of course, the sim cards aren't even the same size. So I can't put my current sim in the old phone, and I can't restore the back up on my old phone, and I didn't know if I could get a new, bigger sim, or somehow a replacement phone just so that I can still text. So I went over, and called insurance from there, only to be told that my excess will be $75, and that I have to pay that and then send my phone to them for assessment. I won't get my phone back, or a new one, until they've assessed it. But I can't restore the back up on my old phone, although they can give me a new sim.
So in my annoyance, I completely erased my old phone, thinking it'd restore the back up if there was nothing on it. But then, it needs a sim card to activate, which I don't have for it. So I can't do anything. The girl at Optus told me I could take my laptop over and restore it on to my old phone from there and they'd be able to help with any problems I had. So at this point I think I will pay the fucking excess, take both my phones over there, get a new sim for the old phone, and restore it there, and if it works, send my phone away for assessment.
I'm kind of wondering whether it's even worth it. I've been so stressed out about all this shit not working, it's ridiculous. Sure, my screen is cracked, but it's definitely still completely functional, and maybe I should just deal with it. On the other hand, this is what I pay insurance for. I just thought for sure that the excess would be zero, and I didn't realise the sim cards would be different sizes for the different models. I thought this would be easy, simple, but it's not. And it's fucking annoying me. But, I've already spoken to insurance, so they know I'm planning on making a claim, and then, what if I don't go through with it, but break it again at a later date, and then have them not fix it because I'd already decided not to? I don't know. All I can do is just take everything to Optus tomorrow and hopefully my old iphone will restore the back up with a better cord and a new sim and nothing on it. It should just set up like a brand new phone, and I should just be able to restore the back up no problem. At least, I hope so. I wonder if they'll just give me a new sim before I decide to send it away, just to see if it works. I guess really, the worst that can happen is that I have to copy out all my contacts somehow and just redownload the apps I use most often (like facebook and hipstamatic and instagram and oggl and tumblr and dosebox and suduko) and just go without everything else and all my photos until I get a 5 back so I can completely restore from back up. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I barely text anyone. The only reason I don't want to not have a working phone really is because texting is my only form of communication with work, and I text Mum and Milly and Alex a lot, though I can keep up with them via tumblr and facebook off the laptop, and I take so many photos all of the time. Honestly, the world won't end if I don't have a phone for a few days, I'm not going to miss anything important. I'll just not be able to contact a few people and I'll be bored without the internet right where I am all of the time.
I don't know. It's just all been too much hassle. It's my own stupid fault anyway. If I hadn't dropped it on the fucking concrete at the gym last week, everything would be fine.
It's cold again and raining a lot. I did washing on Sunday, and hung it out under the pergola because it looked like it would rain. And it's been raining ever since. And it'd be absolutely fine, if the pergola didn't leak. So half the clothes are still out there, wet because of the leak and the rain, and also, the cement is fucking fucked and so there's a big dip and I can't walk down there without getting my feet soaked. Just one of a thousand reasons why I hate this house. And I hope it's sunny tomorrow because I need to wash again because I will need the work clothes, and also, Crue kind of vomited on my sheet the other day (thankfully not anywhere near the part of the bed that I sleep in, but still, fucking pissed about it), and even if I didn't have other stuff to wash and hang under the pergola, the line isn't big enough for a sheet anyway.
Also the air conditioning in this house is fucked and needs major fixing. Mum's whinging about the money it'll cost because she needs to get hers fixed as well, and I know I should be good and help pay for it but I don't know. This whole situation we're in, where she's been on a single parent pension for the last 25 years and Gary does nothing and the absolute state of this house, and every single thing that has ever happened is just so, so fucked. And honestly, I can't help but blame her. Not for all of it, but for landing all of us here in the first place. For believing in my father, for never getting a job, for being sick, for being poor, for Gary, for all the complaining, from the severe lack of money, for complaining. I know that's really a terrible thing to say and think, but sometimes she just sits there and begs for sympathy and talks about how this isn't the way she's supposed to be living, and yea, I get that. But you made choices that got you there. I didn't make those choices. She didn't have to make those choices for us, for all of us. And like, I don't resent her for how things are, and I know that things could be so much different but not any better, and without Gary there wouldn't be Ricky and Arche, and everything is complicated, but I still get fucking angry over it sometimes and I am so, so sick of hearing about how everything sucks for her. Yes, she's got a shitty, shitty partner, and no money, and no job and no security and this fucked up house (which she did to herself, and to us). But things suck for me too. I live in this house with all of her crap, with sometimes crippling depression, trying to manage a full time job and a university degree so that I don't end up exactly like she did, and sometimes I just get so sick of her woe is me shit. And I didn't even mean to rant about this. That just came out of nowhere. When I get annoyed over one little thing, I just get annoyed about everything.
Work is fun. We were supposed to get the area manager yesterday. He came a few weeks ago, without much warning, and so we'd left all the food and shit in the bakery, which obviously, we are not supposed to have. Anyway, he didn't say anything, Brett freaked heaps, but it was all ok. But then we knew he was coming again, so we did tonnes of cleaning and organising and shit. Yesterday was Brett's day off, so I started work an hour early to do the freezer load and all the stuff he does as manager, and then had to reorganise the floor because they'd moved everything, on top of slicing the bread and doing all the other shit and going to check outs all the time. I worked my ass off, I always do. I always do much more than I should do, I always stay back if I need to, I do much better work than some of the others. But I get nothing. Mel has been really slack lately. Like I know she lost the fetuses and that must be hard, but still, fucking work alright. She's back to her old tricks, doing only what she wants, turning up and leaving early, and the like. But still the fucking sun shines out of her ass. Yesterday I go in early, I do all the work, she does nothing, but he's still texting her, asking her how things are, telling her what we should do for the day. Like I put in so much effort, but I'm not married to anybody so I'm invisible. And I'm fucking sick of it. I should adopt her attitude, be more like her. If he wants to put all of his faith in her while she doesn't do any of the work, he can have her work every single fucking weekend, do all the shit that I do, slice the bread every fucking day.
So I passively aggressively posted to facebook "do all the work, get none of the credit", knowing that he'd see it at some point, that it was vague enough to not get me in trouble for posting work stuff to facebook (which, it seems, is something only I get in trouble for, everybody else does it, like everything else, I always get in trouble). He didn't say anything about it, but he was a lot nicer to me today, thanking me for yesterday. But only because Mel wasn't there. On Thursday when she's there it'll be back to normal, me being invisible and her being the fucking princess.
And I'm pissed because I want to join the union at work. I've been there for nearly eight years, and I don't know why I didn't join when I started working there, and I feel like it's stupid that I'm not a member. I thought, I'll just go to the website and join there, but I can't. I have to fill out a form with a delegate at work and have them send it away. And I just feel stupid because I feel like I'll be considered stupid for not already being a member, that it'll be embarrassing to ask someone to sign me up, because I should already be a member. I know who to ask (fucking Patrick, sleazy ass guy, or another produce guy, both of which are only there on weekends), but I don't want them to know that I haven't joined already. I don't want anyone to know. I just wanted to do it and have nobody realise. I feel stupid about it, embarrassed. Like I know that they probably won't care, but I still just don't want everyone to know. It's like what I did with driving, I didn't do it, so I got anxious about it, so I didn't do it. But I should just do it. I just need to suck it up and get over the fact that I'm an idiot for not already being a member (honestly, it wasn't even something I thought about until now Abbott is in and Kitty posted a status saying that people should join their unions), and maybe I can just pretend I thought I had already joined, or something.
I don't know. I'm pissed. I've been seriously angry for the past few days now, although work was alright today. I ordered shoes online for Ricky from America and he has rang asking about them every day since. I keep telling him that I will let him know where they are when I get updates (they're currently in transit from America, so no updates until they hit the country) but he keeps ringing me anyway. And I'm sick of fucking being invisible on tumblr. I'm sick of being invisible in real life. I'm sick of constantly worrying about money even though I probably don't need to, and I've even set up a savings account now with weekly deposits (currently saving for my next three trips to Sydney, and hopefully even a tattoo). I'm sick of fucking everything. But I'm not depressed, I'm not down or suicidal and helpless or apathetic. I'm angry, which is a nice change, even if it is a shitty emotion.
On the plus side (I have to remember to keep looking there), I currently have a fridge full of super healthy food, and I'm in love with a YA novel series, and I can afford the next few dvds I want to buy, and I love spending time with Milly and always talking to Alex, and I got good grades so far this semester, and I ordered some new books, and I go to Sydney relatively soon-ish, and I'm still functioning. So there's all that.
So I went over to Optus today to ask about my phone. The other day the guy told me my excess would likely be zero because I've been paying insurance on a plan for so long. I thought, I'll just back up on to my old iphone and use that while I send it away, and I can still have all of my apps and photos and everything and I won't even notice. But then it wouldn't back up and it kept coming up with error messages. First it said there wasn't enough space on the old phone, which is ridiculous, because they're the same size phones. I figured the back up would just restore over the old data, or just add the new stuff on. But apparently not. Also, I think there's a problem with the old cord, because I remember having troubles connecting it to my laptop before.
So today I go over, and the girl tells me that what they've usually been doing is just giving people new phones instead of repairing them. And also, why haven't I called insurance yet to make a claim? Because the guy I spoke to last week just told me to bring it in once I'd backed it up and they'd do it. It took me forever to get the old sim out of my old phone, cause I thought, I'd put my current sim in and just not back it up and go without a few apps and the newer photos until I get my current phone back or a new one. And then of course, the sim cards aren't even the same size. So I can't put my current sim in the old phone, and I can't restore the back up on my old phone, and I didn't know if I could get a new, bigger sim, or somehow a replacement phone just so that I can still text. So I went over, and called insurance from there, only to be told that my excess will be $75, and that I have to pay that and then send my phone to them for assessment. I won't get my phone back, or a new one, until they've assessed it. But I can't restore the back up on my old phone, although they can give me a new sim.
So in my annoyance, I completely erased my old phone, thinking it'd restore the back up if there was nothing on it. But then, it needs a sim card to activate, which I don't have for it. So I can't do anything. The girl at Optus told me I could take my laptop over and restore it on to my old phone from there and they'd be able to help with any problems I had. So at this point I think I will pay the fucking excess, take both my phones over there, get a new sim for the old phone, and restore it there, and if it works, send my phone away for assessment.
I'm kind of wondering whether it's even worth it. I've been so stressed out about all this shit not working, it's ridiculous. Sure, my screen is cracked, but it's definitely still completely functional, and maybe I should just deal with it. On the other hand, this is what I pay insurance for. I just thought for sure that the excess would be zero, and I didn't realise the sim cards would be different sizes for the different models. I thought this would be easy, simple, but it's not. And it's fucking annoying me. But, I've already spoken to insurance, so they know I'm planning on making a claim, and then, what if I don't go through with it, but break it again at a later date, and then have them not fix it because I'd already decided not to? I don't know. All I can do is just take everything to Optus tomorrow and hopefully my old iphone will restore the back up with a better cord and a new sim and nothing on it. It should just set up like a brand new phone, and I should just be able to restore the back up no problem. At least, I hope so. I wonder if they'll just give me a new sim before I decide to send it away, just to see if it works. I guess really, the worst that can happen is that I have to copy out all my contacts somehow and just redownload the apps I use most often (like facebook and hipstamatic and instagram and oggl and tumblr and dosebox and suduko) and just go without everything else and all my photos until I get a 5 back so I can completely restore from back up. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I barely text anyone. The only reason I don't want to not have a working phone really is because texting is my only form of communication with work, and I text Mum and Milly and Alex a lot, though I can keep up with them via tumblr and facebook off the laptop, and I take so many photos all of the time. Honestly, the world won't end if I don't have a phone for a few days, I'm not going to miss anything important. I'll just not be able to contact a few people and I'll be bored without the internet right where I am all of the time.
I don't know. It's just all been too much hassle. It's my own stupid fault anyway. If I hadn't dropped it on the fucking concrete at the gym last week, everything would be fine.
It's cold again and raining a lot. I did washing on Sunday, and hung it out under the pergola because it looked like it would rain. And it's been raining ever since. And it'd be absolutely fine, if the pergola didn't leak. So half the clothes are still out there, wet because of the leak and the rain, and also, the cement is fucking fucked and so there's a big dip and I can't walk down there without getting my feet soaked. Just one of a thousand reasons why I hate this house. And I hope it's sunny tomorrow because I need to wash again because I will need the work clothes, and also, Crue kind of vomited on my sheet the other day (thankfully not anywhere near the part of the bed that I sleep in, but still, fucking pissed about it), and even if I didn't have other stuff to wash and hang under the pergola, the line isn't big enough for a sheet anyway.
Also the air conditioning in this house is fucked and needs major fixing. Mum's whinging about the money it'll cost because she needs to get hers fixed as well, and I know I should be good and help pay for it but I don't know. This whole situation we're in, where she's been on a single parent pension for the last 25 years and Gary does nothing and the absolute state of this house, and every single thing that has ever happened is just so, so fucked. And honestly, I can't help but blame her. Not for all of it, but for landing all of us here in the first place. For believing in my father, for never getting a job, for being sick, for being poor, for Gary, for all the complaining, from the severe lack of money, for complaining. I know that's really a terrible thing to say and think, but sometimes she just sits there and begs for sympathy and talks about how this isn't the way she's supposed to be living, and yea, I get that. But you made choices that got you there. I didn't make those choices. She didn't have to make those choices for us, for all of us. And like, I don't resent her for how things are, and I know that things could be so much different but not any better, and without Gary there wouldn't be Ricky and Arche, and everything is complicated, but I still get fucking angry over it sometimes and I am so, so sick of hearing about how everything sucks for her. Yes, she's got a shitty, shitty partner, and no money, and no job and no security and this fucked up house (which she did to herself, and to us). But things suck for me too. I live in this house with all of her crap, with sometimes crippling depression, trying to manage a full time job and a university degree so that I don't end up exactly like she did, and sometimes I just get so sick of her woe is me shit. And I didn't even mean to rant about this. That just came out of nowhere. When I get annoyed over one little thing, I just get annoyed about everything.
Work is fun. We were supposed to get the area manager yesterday. He came a few weeks ago, without much warning, and so we'd left all the food and shit in the bakery, which obviously, we are not supposed to have. Anyway, he didn't say anything, Brett freaked heaps, but it was all ok. But then we knew he was coming again, so we did tonnes of cleaning and organising and shit. Yesterday was Brett's day off, so I started work an hour early to do the freezer load and all the stuff he does as manager, and then had to reorganise the floor because they'd moved everything, on top of slicing the bread and doing all the other shit and going to check outs all the time. I worked my ass off, I always do. I always do much more than I should do, I always stay back if I need to, I do much better work than some of the others. But I get nothing. Mel has been really slack lately. Like I know she lost the fetuses and that must be hard, but still, fucking work alright. She's back to her old tricks, doing only what she wants, turning up and leaving early, and the like. But still the fucking sun shines out of her ass. Yesterday I go in early, I do all the work, she does nothing, but he's still texting her, asking her how things are, telling her what we should do for the day. Like I put in so much effort, but I'm not married to anybody so I'm invisible. And I'm fucking sick of it. I should adopt her attitude, be more like her. If he wants to put all of his faith in her while she doesn't do any of the work, he can have her work every single fucking weekend, do all the shit that I do, slice the bread every fucking day.
So I passively aggressively posted to facebook "do all the work, get none of the credit", knowing that he'd see it at some point, that it was vague enough to not get me in trouble for posting work stuff to facebook (which, it seems, is something only I get in trouble for, everybody else does it, like everything else, I always get in trouble). He didn't say anything about it, but he was a lot nicer to me today, thanking me for yesterday. But only because Mel wasn't there. On Thursday when she's there it'll be back to normal, me being invisible and her being the fucking princess.
And I'm pissed because I want to join the union at work. I've been there for nearly eight years, and I don't know why I didn't join when I started working there, and I feel like it's stupid that I'm not a member. I thought, I'll just go to the website and join there, but I can't. I have to fill out a form with a delegate at work and have them send it away. And I just feel stupid because I feel like I'll be considered stupid for not already being a member, that it'll be embarrassing to ask someone to sign me up, because I should already be a member. I know who to ask (fucking Patrick, sleazy ass guy, or another produce guy, both of which are only there on weekends), but I don't want them to know that I haven't joined already. I don't want anyone to know. I just wanted to do it and have nobody realise. I feel stupid about it, embarrassed. Like I know that they probably won't care, but I still just don't want everyone to know. It's like what I did with driving, I didn't do it, so I got anxious about it, so I didn't do it. But I should just do it. I just need to suck it up and get over the fact that I'm an idiot for not already being a member (honestly, it wasn't even something I thought about until now Abbott is in and Kitty posted a status saying that people should join their unions), and maybe I can just pretend I thought I had already joined, or something.
I don't know. I'm pissed. I've been seriously angry for the past few days now, although work was alright today. I ordered shoes online for Ricky from America and he has rang asking about them every day since. I keep telling him that I will let him know where they are when I get updates (they're currently in transit from America, so no updates until they hit the country) but he keeps ringing me anyway. And I'm sick of fucking being invisible on tumblr. I'm sick of being invisible in real life. I'm sick of constantly worrying about money even though I probably don't need to, and I've even set up a savings account now with weekly deposits (currently saving for my next three trips to Sydney, and hopefully even a tattoo). I'm sick of fucking everything. But I'm not depressed, I'm not down or suicidal and helpless or apathetic. I'm angry, which is a nice change, even if it is a shitty emotion.
On the plus side (I have to remember to keep looking there), I currently have a fridge full of super healthy food, and I'm in love with a YA novel series, and I can afford the next few dvds I want to buy, and I love spending time with Milly and always talking to Alex, and I got good grades so far this semester, and I ordered some new books, and I go to Sydney relatively soon-ish, and I'm still functioning. So there's all that.
20:20
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